Fifty Shades of Fucked Up

Before I start I would like to point out that I am not a 50 Shades of Grey fan. I tried to read the books but that woman's writing style is far too painful. Idea was there, execution was very poor. No, what this is about is my fucked up thoughts. The moment when I know they are wrong yet still have them. This entry is about my thoughts and fantasys I have had over the years that are beyond what is seen as socially acceptable.

I found many types of male domination arousing from a young age and as a result questioned my sanity. A young female isn't meant to think that way! Society says they are meant to be strong and confident soon-to-be feminists. They are not meant to think about a power struggle between the different sexes as hot, they are meant to actively fight it. How can someone be both a submissive and a feminist of sorts? I don't really know, but I think I am. I crave the sensation of being dominated but my mind is not so easily molded and my morals remain strong. I suppose I'm still attempting to understand my twisted brain.

Growing up in a world where it is frowned upon for young women to embrace their sexuality is rather difficult. When you have a desire which is not often accepted throughout society makes it even harder. I'm not saying 50 shades was a good book but in a way it has helped me feel less 'fucked up.' So many people are intrigued with the story and the vast popularity of it has seemed to normalise BDSM.

A friend asked me the other day if I had seen the movie. She just saw it and was disgusted. "Why the hell would someone want to hurt their partner like that?" she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. If only she knew.

If this is so wrong then why does it feel so right?

Curious_19 xx